Bad Movie

It's Wednesday, August 25, 2010.

I find myself facing a dilemma. This is an effect of the movie I played in my head last night.

When all else fails, SMILE.

What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen now?

Receiving

My day started rather sweet than I imagined it would be. The weather and the residents of Los Angeles have finally come to terms. It was perfect and not too hot outside but you can tell that it's definitely Summer. And our office was like an oven. Just my kind of working environment temperature. The heat totally decreased my efficiency  and effectiveness by 101%, which means that I will end up rechecking all the work I did today, tomorrow.

I was talking to a good friend of mine today, and he said to me, "It's okay to receive."

Receiving has always been a problem for me because most of the time, I just feel like what I'm doing is not good enough, that I am not good enough, and the list goes on.

The brain is a wonderland. The mind is beautiful and very powerful in my opinion. Which I think makes us holy enough to be worthy of something good in this world.

I've never felt this alive my whole life.

I guess for once I realized that it's okay to be happy and not feel guilty of being a little too happy.

Freedom. Finally.

In My Head

The huge hole that was punched through my chest has begun healing. 

And it's all because of this boy whom I met just recently. It's always been about a boy. My one true weakness.
I know it's too soon.
But there is never a perfect time to be happy. I owe it to myself after all.

He seem to effortlessly fill that hole whenever we spend time together. 

But even something as beautiful as this can't keep me from seeing you in my dreams.

The truth is, I miss you. 

I miss being friends with you. 

I miss listening to stories of your life, and I miss being able to tell you about mine. 

I went from feeling numb to being very alive. 

And when you left...when you left... 

I almost crumbled into dust.

Because you were everything to me.

Because I loved you.

The Everlasting

I don't know exactly what to do with you or make of how I feel about you.


I feel safe when you are around and I miss you when you are gone.


Our fate is inextricably intertwined no matter how hard I try to escape it...I'm doing this while I can becuase at some point, I'm going to have to let my guards down and let you in.


Fighting you until this very moment is the hardest thing I ever have to put up with so far.
It's hard but I enjoy it.


I enjoy watching you from a distance.


Happy.


Contented.


And in someone else's arms.


Should I let fate handle this? or Should I interfere?

Crimsonredbird Fact #1

I use pencil in writing all the time so I have the freedom to change my mind. A lot.

JULIET

Yesterday (7/31/2010), I welcomed a new companion and her name is Juliet -- an 11 month old Domestic cat that I adopted from the LA Animal Shelter. It was not a very hard decision, she was the first one that spoke to me among all the other furry friends at the shelter. She's been surrendered there by an old lady who couldn't take care of her anymore. Her Adoption papers came with her history record.

According to her history, she's very playful and protective of her owner, snaps at men, and men in uniform. (Good to know we already have something in common)

About three things I am absolutely sure about her at this point,

1. She likes me (because I have treats for her all the time)
2. I like her
3. This will work. :)

JULIET